The first video I saw of Pinay Mom in South Korea (PMSK) was her apartment tour. That was last year, during the height of the pandemic when, like most people, I found myself binge-watching whatever content was recommended by YouTube. I was initially annoyed at her vlog. Not that Tonet — her real name — was annoying. It was more because her house tour was interrupted almost every minute by a ‘short ad’ to subscribe to her channel.
Now, I’m on YouTube Premium, which means no ads. So that constant reminder to subscribe, along with that notification bell sound effect, was a persistent reminder of why I paid to remove commercials on the platform in the first place. I just wanted to see her apartment without these little distractions.
And yet, I still subscribed.
I think PMSK got the memo, though. Her subsequent vlogs featured less in-your-face call-to-action and more of what makes her one of the more interesting Filipino vloggers around — her ordinary life.
But what is so fascinating about a woman’s ordinary life as a Filipino wife and mother in South Korea?
Well, in the Philippines where all things K-drama and K-pop are gazed upon relentlessly, Tonet’s channel is an enthusiastic, at times even unglamorous, glimpse into the life of a fellow citizen who has found her accommodation in a society and culture we are so absorbed with. Married to a South Korean, her stories offer an opportunity to vicariously live out our “Korean” dreams — you know, marry our bias and live happily ever after in a decked-out Gangnam villa.
Kidding aside, it helps that Tonet’s in-laws and her extended Korean family and friends are welcoming of her. Her husband, Alex, who was painfully shy during her first few vlogs, is now a frequent and favorite guest in her videos, too, along with their two amazing kids — Ina and Ijun. We’ve all heard of horror stories across the globe of how Filipinos, especially those who marry foreigners, are frowned upon and even discriminated against. The ostracization is sometimes extended to the children, too. But it isn’t the case here.
Eomeoni, for instance, never fails to send produce from their farm to the family. She patiently involves her daughter-in-law and grandchildren in preparing traditional Korean side dishes — a moment of bonding across women of different generations.
Abuji, a celebrity of sorts in PMSK’s channel, is a hard-working and serious man who, although hard to please when it comes to Tonet’s attempts at culinary conquests, genuinely cares for our Pinay Mom. At their vast apple farm, Tonet’s clumsy yet sincere efforts to please her father-in-law have never failed to bring a smile to the man’s face. So even though he once said PMSK’s sister was prettier, one senses his sincere affections towards the woman his only son married.
Both see in Tonet her own woman — strong-willed, independent, and practical in matters of the home like finances but not at the cost of their son and grandchildren’s happiness. Any in-law would be proud, dare I say.
Beyond the Korean family she has joined and the one she is raising, however, it’s the day-to-day activities she shares that have helped her amass a cult following of sorts. That she doesn’t live in the hustle and bustle of Seoul is beneficial, too. Away from the mega-city, her viewers see a world outside of what most typically imagine Korea to be. In her part of town, we stroll with her to admire the less hectic yet still urban views of the country — organized bus stops, clean parks, large groceries, and well-built roadways. Occasionally, she even takes us with us on out-of-town trips, featuring places both familiar and new.
Through it all, we find Tonet living and working, attending to the demands of the home and the workplace, unafraid to brag about her female and Filipino sensibilities and how she uses it to manage family life. She doesn’t sit and pretend she’s perfect with it. In fact, her life is far from perfect and pleasant.
When criticized early on for her seemingly exaggerated and pretentious way of speaking, she expressed her displeasure. We find out, later on, part of it is an effort to be understood more clearly by her son, Ijun, who has a hearing disability. Behind the walls of her modern apartment are her struggles when she first arrived in Korea — money matters, culture shock, homesickness, and language barriers. There were also trying episodes in her married life, including Alex’s health-scare early in her life in South Korea. She doesn’t pretend to be the perfect homemaker, too, as we watch so often her battles in the kitchen, missing steps in the cooking process while convincing herself, well, not bad for her first try.
It’s in these vulnerable and unguarded moments that her channel becomes more than just a curious opening into the lives of others. Tonet’s vlogs are part of her narrative, vignettes of a woman learning (hilariously and dramatically) to cope and flourish in a strange land, while in the process, learning more about who she is. We are no passive spectators, too, because in the candid recordings of her life we discover a piece of who we are as well, either by relating to her stories or by knowing something new about what it really means to live in a foreign land.
In her vlogs, we see what time and life mean to her: an early morning spent readying the children to school; the solitary hours spent cleaning the house; the to-and-fro of errands and her work as a teacher; afternoons focused on tutoring kids; late-night dinners with her husband and his chaotic friend, Yeongdae; that good night cuddle from Ijun who affectionately says, “I just want to be with you mom.”
The way your child loves you is often a reflection of how they’re brought up at home. If Ijun’s words are any indication, then Tonet has done her job well in perhaps the most important role she plays — as a mother. And if the surge in her followers tell us something (I’m proud to be there even before she hit 10,000 subscribers), it’s that her little victories as a woman, as a wife, as a mother, and as a Filipino, is something we welcome as our own, too.
Thank you Tonet, for sharing your life with us. More power!
Emerging Sentiments 